Everyone is Everyone Except You - Jordan Hamel

Brand new

Jordan Hamel is falling in and out of love with his own mediocrity. Caught between the instinct to build a franchise of rock hard abs, and succumb to death among the kitchen appliances of Briscoes, Jordan is the star of his own demise. He’s on the brink of becoming the world’s worst life coach, or the plot twist to a bygone reality show.

Poetry is the infinity pool of vanity

and baby I have brought my wetsuit

But absurd delusions of grandeur reveal a more unsettling feeling—the pointlessness of being alive. In the face of existential dread, what is the purpose of a life if not for entertainment value?

Everyone is Everyone Except You begins as a eulogy but opens out to a profound acceptance for the less-than-glamorous things that populate a life: failed relationships and confused intimacy; bad advice and poor preparation for manhood. Along the way, unexpected joys emerge, like eloping to Carterton in a Corolla, or getting it on to the memory of the All Blacks.